Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
