Already got asked if we're dating
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
