i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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