The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
