Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i barfeds in our rink
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
