In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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