Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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