We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
