If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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