When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
