I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
