i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
