why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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