No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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