Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
