Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
