I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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