So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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