she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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