i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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