haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
