so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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