Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
