Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
