Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
