We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
