we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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