Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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