batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
