yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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