I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
