Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
