Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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