Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
