I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
