Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
