I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
