return my video game
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
