and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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