oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
