oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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