whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
