When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love having hate sex.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
