summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
