So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
