How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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