woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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