There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
