im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have feelings that need drinking.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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