the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
