This is not my ceiling
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize