I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
