i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How does one acquire holy water?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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