The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
