FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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