She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
