Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
