I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Are we still banned from the library?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize