I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
