so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
