I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
