I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
