you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
vagina is talking i cant
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can't turn off my feet"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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