The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
