He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
