you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
