the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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