I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
