dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
