I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
