OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
