I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
