put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
