i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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