Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
