If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize