I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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