Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
