he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
